"It'll Get Done"

I grew up on a farm. My dad’s parents were an agri professor and a high school principal. My dad had a great work ethic and sense of responsibility, perhaps too great. If something needed to be done, they didn’t wait to be told; they just DID it. Nike had nothing on them, and that’s how I was raised.

I grew up believing all kids had chores, didn’t talk back, didn’t argue with their elders, and always made good grades because it was the done thing. Thanks to my dad and my Childs grandparents, I had a sense of responsibility ingrained in me before I had a chance to get the idea that I was the center of the universe or that I didn’t have to do what I knew needed to be done. If I saw something to be done, I didn’t wait to be told to do it, and I didn’t expect to need to be told. I’m proud to say I’m still that way and wouldn’t change it if I could.

I raised my sons this way. They’re not perfect but they are not lazy. They are “self-starters”. I’m a “self-starter”.  I am seriously allergic to lazy people and to people who assume somebody else will take care of whatever needs to be done in life.

I’m trying to put in a board and bead ceiling and remodel a bathroom. I have a tenant arriving in 3 days and the house is totally not ready. The person who is supposed to be responsible for these projects has torn out everything under the sun, made a huge mess and in the long run will cause the scope of the project to be much bigger than it started out being.  A few minutes ago I asked if he was going to his Friday night get-together,  and he replied in the affirmative. He asked if I wanted to go with him. Of course I’d like to go spend a couple of hours with grown-ups and get out of the house. Instead, I replied that since the projects were nowhere near completion, I planned to spend that time working frantically on completing them. His response was “It’ll get done.”

That was the wrong thing to say to this farm girl. “It’ll get done” because I’M doing them instead of doing what’s fun. I’m doing what’s needed!

Over the past six months or so, I’ve gone from being indifferent to video games, computer games, and movies to having almost a hatred for those things, because they get in the way of what needs to be done. When entertainment gets in the way of what needs to be done, frankly, it infuriates me.

I cannot change this behavior in someone who is a grandparent, and I now realize I should not need to try to do so. My give a damn’s busted. Period. The only person my flexibility in this matter is hurting is me.

I have also received reinforcement for my belief that most folks of any age who have ADHD don’t have a deficit of the ability to pay attention, to focus on what they want to focus on; they can focus on whatever they want to focus on to the point it’s obsessive. If they don’t want to pay attention to something, “BANG !” that ugly “deficit” rears its head. As we say in south Arkansas, “That dog won’t hunt.” It’s not the ability to pay attention that’s lacking; it’s the lack of giving a crap about whatever you’re supposed to be paying attention to that is lacking. This isn’t a “disorder”. It’s a bad attitude and laziness.

I fight a lot of the time not to be anxious about things I can’t change, and it’s an uphill battle. There’s a big difference between that and just assuming that if I don’t do what needs to be done, somebody will magically take care of it since I didn’t. Folks, this is the real, grown-up world with responsibilities and having to do stuff we don’t feel like doing, not a fairy tale.

It’ll get done, because I’ll do it.

You’re welcome.