After being out of the job market for almost 7 years and on SSDI for depression, anxiety and PTSD for 4 years, I decided to try my hand at customer service again. I'm working for a florist call center 20 miles away, 4 days a week plus overtime. I'm not the sort to do something halfway. Either I'll swim or sink. For a month now, I've been swimming. Thank God fat floats! :)

After Comcast's two full months of classroom training, my new employer's two *day* training was a bit of a shock. The rest of the "training" comes through messing up real-life situations with customers. O joy. Prepared? Not at all. Able to make mistakes? Quite well, thank you. My backside objects to sitting for 10 hours a day four days a week. What to do about it? Work some overtime. Voluntarily!

I'm still going to the gym 3 times a week whether or not I want to (and mostly, I don't want to!) and cooking occasionally.

I'm off Friday - Sunday unless I request overtime. Today I slept until 9:30 am then had therapy at 10:30 and lunch at Bonefish Grill in Mystic. I've spent the rest of the afternoon domesticating (and Lord knows it's needed!). 

We're having lovely fall weather and I'm wearing shorts, sneakers, and a tank top. New England, I love you!

Throwback Friday

I recently came across a few blog postings I wrote on a social media site years ago, and I thought I'd re-post some of them.

April 22, 2005
The Honesty's Too Much

I'm "dating" myself by knowing the words to this song, but there's so much truth ni it... "Sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much and I have to close my eyes and hide... 'til the fear in me subsides." For me, I'm so tired of the truth hurting. Why can't the truth be happy sometimes? Why can't "happily ever after" sometimes exist for ordinary people? Is this all there is? Today at work, a really crappy, hectic, nobody-appreciates-anything sort of work day, I had a couple of customers ask me how I can be so CHEERFUL. Well, shoot, I don't KNOW???? My standard response is "Well, there are enough unpleasant people. Why should I be one of them?" Right now, though, I don't know what the point of this determined cheerfulness IS. I want to feel something GOOD - not just put on a happy face .I want to be able to mean it when I say "I"m great, thanks". I want to BE happy.

May 7, 2005

Sitting here thinking about life, and here are some things I've figured out:
#1. I'm an adult. my navel and nose and ears are pierced because I WANT them that way. Not for any other reason. Ditto my tattoo. I do not need or want approval from anyone.
#2. There are a lot of people who aren't ever going to be happy with me just the way I am. Fortunately, that's okay with me. They probably don't like themselves, either.
#3. Sex and love aren't the same, and while either is okay alone, they're way better together. A selfish lover doesn't understand that it is a gift from one person to another, and therefore that lover doesn't deserve that gift. (It's not usually that great with that self-absorbed sort of person, anyway.)
#4. I remember growing up and wanting to be drop-dead, head-turningly gorgeous. Then I found out that "cute" wears better and ages more gracefully, and in the interim, we've had to develop brains and personalities. We're not as likely to wake up one morning and say "Oh my GOD, I'm OLD!" WE're too busy living. just the way I am. If I believe I"m a goddess, I'm a goddess. If I believe I"m worthless, then I am.
#5. I'm worth waiting and working for. I deserve to be at the top of the list. I'm just fine the way I am, not younger, older, taller, shorter, thinner, fatter, etc. I'm okay THIS way! I'v made some mistakes along the way but I've learned to like myself.
#6. People who need their egos stroked constantly are never worth the effort. They require perpetual maintenance. I don't have time for that.
#7. I"ve raised three beautiful, intelligent, decent sons. That's quite an accomplishment. People who say "But there's so much MORE you could have done instead" are missing the point - doing what fulfills one the most.
#8. People are going to talk. No matter whether you're wonderful or horrible, there are just some people who love to gossip, and if they have to make it up, so be it. You won't convince people that it's not the truth, but if you know you're a good person, you an live with yourself. As Edgar Guest said, "I have to live with myself and so I want to be fit for myself to know." That's important to me.
#9. Do what makes you happy. You may never be wealthy, but you'll be rich in experience and joy. That's hard to steal and they can't tax it.
#10. Some people are just unpleasant for the pleasure of it. Don't give those people pleasure by letting them know they upset you. Smile and look right through them, or pretend to be confused. It ruins their day.